When letting go feels hard, let art guide you: Insights from "Let Them Theory"
Disclaimer: I first learned about the "Let Them Theory" through Mel Robbins' book. However, it’s worth noting that there is some controversy around its origins, as some claim Robbins’ ideas overlap with poet Cassie Phillips’ viral poem and earlier self-help traditions. While Robbins has addressed these concerns publicly, readers are encouraged to explore the theory from multiple sources and perspectives.
Letting go is easier said than done. Whether it’s the sting of criticism, the frustration over a friend’s choices, or the pressure of expectations, holding on to what we can’t change is a fast track to stress and self-doubt. In her book "Let Them Theory," Mel Robbins offers a simple, liberating shift: Let them. Let people have their opinions, make their choices, and live their lives—while you reclaim your focus and your peace.
What is the "let them theory?"
At its heart, this theory reminds us that we can’t control others. When you feel compelled to fix, convince, or argue, pause. Let them do what they do. Then, turn the question inward: Let me... What do you want to do with your precious time and energy? Instead of spiraling around someone else’s behavior, come back to what’s actually within your control—your responses, your boundaries, and your goals.
Why letting go is so difficult
It’s only human to want harmony, approval, or acknowledgment, but trying to manage others’ reactions creates a cycle of frustration and anxiety. Mel Robbins leans on science here: psychological research shows that attempts to control people rarely work and almost always leave us feeling drained and resentful. True relief—and empowerment—arrives when you loosen your grip, accept what you cannot change, and return to your own lane.
Letting art guide the process
This is where art-making becomes a powerful ally. Creating art is a living metaphor for letting go:
You can’t control how others will view your painting or poem.
The creative process is full of uncertainty and opportunities to surrender perfectionism.
Every brushstroke or line is a conscious choice to let go of the outcome and enjoy the moment.
While you create, you let others hold their opinions. Your focus shifts deeply into your own senses, ideas, and hands. It’s meditative. With each movement, you practice the let them theory. “Let them” see what they want, “let them” judge, “let them” misunderstand—your job is simply to make honest, personal art.
Try this prompt: Write, release, cut, rearrange
This prompt invites you to both honor and release what you’re holding onto, while visually constructing new meaning from what you’ve set free.
Write and release: Begin by filling a page with words or images that represent things you want to release—worries, grudges, limiting beliefs, or anything weighing you down. Don’t worry about neatness; allow yourself to scribble, doodle, or layer on colors and marks as you express these feelings.
Paint over: Once your page feels full, loosely paint, collage, or color over your words and images to partially obscure them. This act represents the first stage of release and transformation.
Cut and rearrange: Next, cut or tear the page into several pieces—strips, shapes, fragments. Rearrange and reassemble these pieces into a new artwork: a collage, a mosaic, or an abstract composition. Focus on creating something visually fresh and beautiful, embracing imperfection and surprise.
Reflect: As you create, notice how what was once heavy or muddled can become part of something richer and more expansive. The act of cutting and rearranging is a metaphor for transforming your struggles into creative growth.
Centering yourself through creativity
Art offers more than distraction—it’s a centering practice. When letting go in life feels hard, stepping into a creative project can be your anchor:
Presence: Focusing on color, shape, texture, or words pulls you away from ruminating about others.
Agency: Art reminds you of your power – you create, you decide, you own your perspective.
Release: Each session is a chance to gently practice acceptance – of mess, mistakes, and whatever arises outside your control.
Letting go won’t always be easy. But "Let Them Theory" and the process of art-making offer a way through: accept, release, return to yourself. Next time you find yourself caught up by someone else’s behaviour or opinion, grab your sketchbook or a lump of clay. Let art be your guide back to center, where your power and peace reside. Let them be—and let yourself create, heal, and flourish.
